


the moment he knew

by heroinchic



Category: Trainspotting (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Secret Crush, birthday coke??, blowjob, simon only way to show feelings is through sex and drugs isnt that SO scorpio?, so sad so sexy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:41:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,307
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27219592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroinchic/pseuds/heroinchic
Summary: Simon's birthday gift to Mark was cocaine and a huge confession. Even if he pretended it didnt mean anything.
Relationships: Mark "Rent Boy" Renton/Simon "Sick Boy" Williamson
Kudos: 12





	the moment he knew

‘’1, 2, 3! ‘’ they both said before snorting the longest line of coke that could fit in Mark’s nighstand.

It was Simon’s birthday gift to Mark because ‘’if I cant get you laid, at least I can get you drugs’’.

It kicked almost immediately.

Mark was singing ‘’Ashes to Ashes’’ at the top of his lungs while Sickboy looked at him fascinated, a kind of awe thanks to the cocaine of course, but also because he knew that he could excuse anything he would do or say due to the drugs, so Mark was all his. At least for that moment.

Mark stopped singing and went to sit besides him, laughing and sweating, Sickboy run a hand through his buzzcut and Mark smiled like a puppy.

‘’You are so p-‘’ Simon was about to end with ‘’pretty, you are so fucking pretty Mark’’ before Mark jumped on his feet and turned the speaker on. Maybe a sign of the universe to keep his mouth shout. But he wasn’t in the mood for following the signs and warnings. Not this time.

He felt warm inside, he always felt like this with Mark. Sober or not.

He liked the way Mark wasn’t afraid of wearing crop-tops and painting his nails, the way he wasn’t afraid of saying he liked some pop-girl music or Bowie’s more feminine looks, the way he had some political opinions and informed views that Simon considered useless to talk about but Mark couldn’t handle stay quiet about those things, he liked how he was dancing an American popstar song and how he looked so comfortable on his skin and mind, something Simon always had both admired and hated.

The constant mocking about Mark’s lack of girlfriends or any woman near him for the matter, the jokes about he was some kind of closeted gay who posed as bisexual, a comment that made Mark’s furious but was Simon’s way to feel anything but the envy of the courage of Mark to be Mark.

It wasn’t that he was a total weirdo, he fitted in, in most of spaces. But not in the place that they grew up, not with the people who he grew up, and that was one of the reasons why Simon loved him, because from all the people he knew, none of them was like Mark.

Yes, he loved him. ‘’I do love him’’ ‘’Im gonna tell him’’ he thought before snorting another line.

Mark sat down next to him again. Laughing, high as a kite and smile huge as the confession Simon was about to make.

-I do love you, you know that?

Mark smile just got bigger, he nodded.

-I love that song- Mark said. Simon shook his head and threw a chuckle.

-I love you. You.

This time Mark’s eyes seemed like they were about to burst out off his face as he looked genuinely surprised. Simon took this as a red flag, shit, he had scared him. Better to keep acting like this was part of the drug induced show.

-Simon i-

-Wanna kiss?

-Yes.

It was better if things were fast. No time for ‘’Simon, I don’t feel the same’’ ‘’Simon, get the fuck out’’ ‘’Simon, I knew you were a little fucking fag’’ well, Mark wouldn’t say the last one but Begbie surely would, his father would, everyone in the town would. But now Mark wasn’t saying anything, he was kissing him and laughing and running his hands through his hand while they rolled over the floor and oh god it felt good, it felt great, it was pure bliss, the contact of the bodies with the substance on their veins making their brains feel things three times stronger, faster, and better.

Simon felt that he was doing exactly what he was supposed to do, no other place or time, this was everything that was important and real. His tongue caressing Mark’s neck and his friend, his very best friend letting out the most little dirty moans from his mouth. Life felt real for the first time in ever.

After Sickboy came in Mark’s mouth with a loud ‘’FUCK’’ that surely his parents down stairs heard, Mark didn’t complain about the cum dropping from his chin and just wiped it off with the dorse of his hands.

‘’It’s the first time I do something like this I don’t know if-‘’ Mark started with the sincerity that had Simon head over heels for him.

And now he felt some kind of power over Mark, he was the first guy he sucked off despite the fact of saying he was bisexual since they were fifteen and that had been three years ago and Simon was Mark’s first. He realized that he wanted to be Mark’s first everything. He also realized that that wasn’t going to happen because he couldn’t allow himself to let his guard down with the excuse of being high. But that was before they discovered skagg.

‘’That wasn’t your first time’’ Simon said in response and grabbed Marks chin with force before stomping a long kiss on his lips.

‘’It was’’

‘’It wasn’t’’

‘’It was’’

‘’It wasn’t, don’t lie to me is okay if im no the first guy you sucked off, but…’’ he put a finger on the middle of Mark’s forehead. ‘’im the most special’’

‘’And that’s why…’’

‘’Because im Simon David Williamson?’’ he stated.

Mark just laughed and rolled his eyes at him.

They kept talking and singing and making jokes that were totally out of what just had happened. Simon wanted to do it, he wanted to suck Mark, but he wasn’t that high and he felt that many limits have been crossed already. Besides, a huge sting of pain hit him right in the stomach everytime he recalled the fact that Mark hadn’t said ‘’I love you’’ back.

‘’It’s fine’’ he told himself when no, it was not fine and god how it hurt, how humiliating it was that it hurt, that Mark wasn’t in the pain that he was. That he would never ache the same way as him. God, he could hate him so much sometimes. So hard. He wanted to kill him, he wanted what only death could give him: release. Because since the first time he kissed Mark Renton’s lips, he had been fucked forever, a curse had been thrown over him.

‘’You think that someday we would stop talking of each other to other people?’’ Mark asked out of the blue, he was resting his head against Simon’s chest while he gave him little kisses on the top of his head.

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Yes, that we would become someone that you don’t mention to anyone, a person that is better to act like you never met’’

Simon frowned, thinking that that could never happen, not to them. He felt another sting, but this wasn’t pain, it was a feeling that made him know that one day, Renton wouldn’t talk about him at all. That one day, he would got married, or he would move away, and his new friends and partners wouldn’t know about Simon, about the betrayals and the promises, the kisses and kicks, the secrets shared, no one would know about all the sleepless nights, because Mark would go away, and Simon wasn’t going to be someone he talked about. He knew it on his bones. 

‘’I don’t know Rents, don’t think about it’’ he told him and shrugged the subject out of the way.

When he woke up the morning Mark stole the money and he was on his way back home, he couldn’t stop think about that afternoon, the afternoon in which he knew that Mark was going to become a traitor, a distant memory, a broken heart and someone who Simon wouldn’t talk about either, for twenty more years.

**Author's Note:**

> hELLOOOOOW.  
> hope yall like it. lmk your opinions :)
> 
> What do y'all think about fem!renton fem!sickboy? I have a couple of ideas for them but i dont know if you guys would be interested in reading them. let me know! xo


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